(Part One) There have been many unfortunate casualties in television history as shows both fantastic & ahead of its time don’t connect with audiences or networks to keep them alive. In 2011, Loren Bouchard’s latest foray into the world of animated sit-coms allowed potential viewers to get to know The Belcher Family. After a rough start critically, “Bob’s Burgers” became a hit amongst viewers looking to feel a little less weird and little more … well, still weird. Welcome to the “Bob’s Burgers Life Lesson” series (season three).
Stand Up For Justice (Episode 12: “Broadcast Wagstaff School News”)
Tina’s hope for becoming a serious news woman for Wagstaff School’s student-hosted news program was destroyed due to her lacking talking speed (something encouraged by lead anchor competitor and general bad person Tammy). Watching from the perspective of a staff intern, Tina saw the news show ignore the actual news going around the school including a series of defecations exposed to Tina by her school’s janitor. Tina’s attempted convincing of her colleagues that the “Mad Pooper” was a real thing turned Tina into a guerrilla news reporter utilizing her family’s camcorder and her little sister being her coach (not to mention Gene becoming a miniature version of his father after seeing a young picture of Bob showed just how similar they looked at the same age).
Tina’s “Butt-ler” (as dubbed by her mom) story gained school-wide talk while Wagstaff School News attempted to shut it down by pointing at Tina as the prime suspect – the person desperate to become a part of the news show created her own story to gain attention. Tina refused to have her good name defamed as she tracked down the turd dropper to the gymnasium during an assembly; revealing general troublemaker Zeke as the Mad Pooper just as he dropped his latest load (narrowly missing Tammy when Louise’s attempt to shove her the poo’s path failed while actually saving her sister’s annoying nemesis). The truth will come out, but only when crusaders like Tina stand up for what’s right and don’t let public opinion stop them on their quest for justice.
Don’t Try to Have Your Cake & Eat it too (Episode 17: “Two For Tina”)
The annual Wagstaff School dance was coming up quickly and Tina had Jimmy Pesto Jr. on the brain, but he was looking to play the field. Only a few episodes earlier, Tina actually encountered someone truly interested in the experience that is Tina by the name of Josh – another dancer just like Jimmy Jr. When Tina informed JJ of Josh’s invitation to be his date for the street dancing performer, Jimmy Jr. went on the offense (with some help from a hired Gene & Louise with the plan of winning back Tina’s heart). The battle for Tina’s love turned the boy-crazy, oddly imaginative object of two teens’ affections into a drunkard for attention dished out by her believed soulmates. From Josh publicly lifting Tina as if they were ice skaters to JJ dressing up as Tina’s favorite animal, the love-based attrition led to the only way two dancers could settle their issues: a dance-off.
Tina’s admiring eyes were only matched by her want to have it all; asking for her love interests to put aside their differences to be two-thirds of a Tina-centric love triangle. Not heeding her father’s warning, Tina lost it all when JJ & Josh were grossed out by the idea of a make-out wheel being crafted by the woman of the hour. While it may be great to have people fighting for your romantic attention, stringing people along for your own twisted amusement and low self-confidence will result in a night to remember for all the wrong reasons (though watching two very eccentric guys having a dance-off can be hilarious & awkward at the same time).
Share With Your Lover (Episode 18: “It Snakes a Village”)
Though his wife was excited about visiting her parents Al & Gloria in Florida, Bob had no choice but to go alongside his family while the restaurant. was being fumigated. It didn’t take long before the weirdness kicked in as Bob & Linda found themselves in the middle of a very geriatric potluck featuring a majority of the guests being incredibly touchy. “Active seniors” was a PG-rated way of explaining the lifestyle of their retirement community – a revelation that understandably disgusted Linda as images of her parents having sex with relative strangers disturbingly flashed through her mind. But Linda’s imagination proved to be the only way her parents were swinging as her father was failing to take part in the activities including golfing & cookouts topped off by swinging; putting them on the verge of expulsion from the community.
Fear forced Bob to take action as Linda suggested her parents move in with her daughter, son-in-law, and python-chasing children (the latter providing the episode’s side story). Bob had a very odd conversation with his father-in-law about what would convince him to actually perform alongside his wife & other sexually active elderly people. Getting to the root of the matter, Al admitted to Bob that he’d been hiding a fetish from his wife due to her fear of loud noises: women sitting & popping balloons. Thanks to a pair of earplugs, Gloria finally joined her husband in making their twilight years their most adventurous. Don’t be afraid to share your sexual interests with your lover or significant other out of fear what they or even others may think – the worst thing that could happen is being exiled from a group of swingers or having to wear earplugs during sex.
We All Change (Episode 21: Boys 4 Now)
Just filled to the brim with hormones induced by puberty, Tina Belcher has always been a little boy crazy. So when Tina’s favorite musical act – of course a stereotypical boy band right down to the obviously older gentlemen pretending he’s a teenager – Boyz 4 Now came to town she had no choice but to go. Unfortunately for Tina, fellow Boyz 4 Now superfan and aunt Gayle couldn’t drive Tina to the concert with little sister Louise in tow due to their parents going with Gene to his regional tablescaping competition. Louise, ever the loyal sister, actually agreed to find Tina a ride that would bring them to her defining moment as a former “Boo Boo Booster” turned Griffin supporter. Everything eventually worked out in terms of travel mostly thanks to a chance encounter with fellow schoolmate Zeke and Zeke’s rhyming cousin. Upon making it to the arena, Louise discovered a cornucopia of madness all centering around a bunch of boys – something she couldn’t fathom, let alone understand. Stuck in a season of female insanity for the quartet, Louise’s eyes locked onto the fair-haired Boo Boo for the first time … and she started screaming like there was no tomorrow.
For the first time in her life, Louise was a girly girl obsessed with a boy. But why? Outside of the natural laws of attraction, the thirst for violence mixed with Louise’s want to get close to Boo Boo and slap him right in the face. Louise, never one to let an opportunity pass here by, dragging Tina into a smelly situation when they snuck onto Boyz 4 Now’s bus and hide in the nearby clothes hamper. With Louise and eventually Tina telling on themselves, Louise’s dream had come true: Being in front of Boo Boo while being in reaching distance of his face. Louise reared back and unleashed the slap of a lifetime; finding herself almost exorcised of the demon that was boy obsession – voicing her appreciation of Tina’s constant handling her out-of-control emotions around the opposite sex. We all go through changes and things we once thought were unsettling becoming a key part of our lives. Don’t run away from those changes. Instead, turn around and slap it in its figurative face.
Always Support Your Kid’s Goals (Episode 23: The Unnatural)
Though Gene Belcher never came across as a kid into sports. The musically-inclined kid with a unique sense of fashion such as loving the slimming uniform every person on his school’s baseball team was enough to convince Gene to embrace his inner athlete. Sadly for Gene his first time on the field proved to be a terrible experience mostly because of his fear of getting hit by a baseball (but not a baseball bat to the groin).
Determined to help her son become the baseball player he envisioned himself being, stealing the espresso machine her husband just bought to sell for a near-$500 seminar held by “The Deuce” of “The Deuce of Diamonds Diamonds in the Rough in the Diamond Baseball Camp” (the former “Prince of Persuasion” from season two). Though “The Deuce” was noticeably a con-artist, Gene didn’t see though the greasy facade of fake pitches with imaginary balls, getting ridiculous pep talks, and driving to the hotel where “The Deuce” was currently living at for some batting practice on a vending machine. After Tina’s run-in with espresso turned her into a junkie and Bob verbally ripped Linda a new one for selling his “prized” possession for a phony training session, Bob put The Deuce’s skills up to the task by claiming Gene couldn’t hit a baseball. Yep, Bob was betting against his own son in hopes of getting his money back … and he lost! Well, Bob lost mostly because of Jimmy Pesto’s youngest boys’ sheer incompetence, but Gene did hit that ball.
Always support your kids in their endeavors even when the avenue to reaching their potential seems (and probably is) a scam. You never know how shiny that diamond in the rough will become after a little help and some lying to one’s significant other.
