(Make sure you read part one & part two) It’s been over twenty years since I can remember the first time I saw Matt Groening’s “crudely drawn” family of five deal with the almost surreal problems that life seemingly presents on a daily basis. From that moment I laid my eyes on “The Simpsons” I became enamored and, eventually, a life-long fan (more than likely I’ll be re-watching episodes when I’m old enough to shout at clouds). During my time as a “Simpsons” viewer I’ve discovered many relatable life lessons that I plan to share with you. Welcome to “The Simpsons Life Lesson” series (season eight – part three).
Don’t Be Afraid of Love (Episode 19: “Grade School Confidential”)
Nothing says “Love in the making” like a ten-year-old child’s birthday party. But for the day Martin Prince celebrated his birth with everyone from his class and even a few teachers, Principal Seymour Skinner and Martin’s teacher Edna Krabappel found themselves alone in a girl’s playhouse (it was Martin’s playhouse, not-so-shockingly enough), expressing unknowing romantic feelings for each other before embracing in a passionate kiss. Well, the two educators weren’t alone. Spying from the other side was the only kid who didn’t get sick from eating oysters that had been sitting in the sun the entire day, Bart Simpson.
Feeling their newfound love could be compromised after overhearing Bart telling his story about what he witnessed to fellow classmates, Seymour and Edna convinced the mouthy youth to keep his yap shut while securing his future that now wouldn’t be ruined by his past antics. But being a proverbial gofer for the two so they could secretly exchange messages during school hours eventually sent Bart over the edge; exposing the two making out in the janitor’s closet. With the story spreading and changing about the compromising position the two were found in, Superintendent Chalmers gave his inferiors an ultimatum – end the relationship or be fired. They chose the latter.
But before the end could come, Bart organized a personal sit-in that could hopefully keep his teacher and principal together as a couple and retain their jobs. Desperate times called for desperate measures, as Seymour literally had to tell almost everyone in Springfield that he abused the trust of a young boy and never consummated the relationship (or any romantic relationship) thus far. Discovering that the kids had exaggerated their stories and the couple had done nothing wrong other than embrace their newfound love during school hours, Superintendent Chalmers had no choice but to restore Edna and Seymour to their original positions.
So don’t be afraid to showcase your love, but do it in a reasonable manner. Yes, you might lose your job and destroy the innocence of many children, but it’s better than losing your dignity by lying about (or admitting to) being a forty-plus-year-old virgin who wears Armour hot dogs like a bomb jacket.
Those are hot dogs! Armour hot dogs!
People Don’t Change (Episode 21: “The Old Man and the Lisa”)
Owner of the Springfield’s nuclear power plant and all-around evil millionaire Charles Montgomery Burns had the opportunity to visit Springfield Elementary’s Junior Achievers Club as they attempt to clean up the area while making some money through recycling. After Mr. Burns gave his tips on how to be successful in business (remove family, religion and friendship from your life), Lisa Simpson decided to ask her guest about the power plant’s recycling program. The foreign term of “recycling” in Mr. Burns’ vocabulary set off a chain of events that not only saw Lisa stand up to the energy tyrant, but also discover that surrounding himself with a gaggle of “Yes” men put him in the poor house (after pro wrestling legend Bret Hart bought his old home).
Burns, determined to right the wrongs of his past and begin anew, called for a helping hand in rebuilding himself. The only person C.M. could think would be beneficial in his quest was the little girl who inadvertently caused his revelation to ruin, Lisa. The Simpson’s middle child attempted to turn down her asker’s request, but eventually gave in when she saw he was truly trying to learn about recycling. Helpful tips like clipping the plastic holders used for six-packs of soda cans and “employing” fellow elders to help invigorated the former billionaire like never before. As everyone laughed at Mr. Burns’ fall from grace (“He went from stinkin’ rich to just plain stinking.” – Marge Simpson), the reprocessing frenzy that was Charles and Lisa were on the verge of crafting the first recycling plant in Springfield – the “Li’l Lisa Recycling Plant”. One of the key features of the building was the creation of “Li’l Lisa’s Patented Animal Slurry”. With a million six-pack can holders sewn together, Mr. Burns fished in thousands upon thousands of sea creatures to create a goo that could feed the farm animals, isolate houses and even blow up a thing or two.
It wipes the sea clean
Burns’ pride of using recycled animals to help was only matched by Lisa’s disgust as she ran the streets of Springfield trying to stop apparently indoctrinated civilians from recycling. In truth, Mr. Burns trying to be good actually made him more evil. Not long after the revelation that sickened Lisa, Mr. Burns purchased his power plant back by selling the Li’l Lisa Recycling Plant to Bay State Fish Sticks. Lisa refused to accept the money from being a partner in Burns’ road to riches – accidentally causing her father to suffer from four simultaneous heart attacks.
Even if it appears an individual appears to have turned a new leaf, don’t believe him/her. The next thing you’ll know said changed person is capturing wildlife to mince and liquefy to create a barrel of brownish slurry with your face plastered on the front.
It cures what ails you!
Not Everyone Will Be Your Friend (Episode 23: “Homer’s Enemy”)
The mostly loveable Homer J. Simpson found himself in an awkward predicament one day at his job at the nuclear power plant. Following the airing of a news segment, Mr. Burns hired Frank Grimes – a man who had to struggle and earn everything including a correspondence degree in nuclear physics (with a minor in “Determination”). The first interaction between Homer and his new fellow employee wasn’t a strong one as he discovered that the safety of everyone rested on the shoulders of a man who didn’t know what a “nuclear panner plant” was when he was hired a decade earlier. Things just went from bad to worse between the two as Homer was found eating on Frank’s personally made lunch (that had Grimes’ name on it), chewing on his new workmate’s monogrammed pencils and even getting Frank’s salary reduced when he accidentally disintegrated a wall by knocking a beaker of sulfuric acid out of Homer’s hands before Simpson drank the corrosive liquid. Furious over Homer’s actions, Frank confronted, arguably, the world’s worst safety inspector and informed Homer they were now enemies.
Homer, distraught over how someone could hate him, went out of his way to fix the situation; only to make things worst. Moments like Homer inviting Frank to dinner backfired on the patriarch of the Simpson family as Grimes saw him more and more as a fraud of a man. To expose Homer’s ineptitude, Frank signed Homer up for a contest to redesign the nuclear power plant. But the contest was specifically intended for children – something Homer never noticed even when he saw not a single adult present their work. Not surprisingly, Homer defeated a group of children to the delight of everyone but the person responsible for his enemy being put in the competition. Grimes finally snapped following Homer’s victory, pretending to be Homer Simpson while gallivanting around the power plant in a Simpson-like manner. But without lady luck (or a Frank Grimes) watching out for him, the wannabe Homer electrocuted himself like a mosquito on a hot summer’s night.
So don’t be upset if someone doesn’t like you or even goes as far as to declare you an enemy. Further pestering and attempts at bonding could cause an individual to have a mental breakdown and you’ll be stuck sleeping through his or her funeral.
