It’s been over twenty years since I can remember the first time I saw Matt Groening’s “crudely drawn” family of five deal with the almost surreal problems that life seemingly presents on a daily basis. From that moment I laid my eyes on “The Simpsons” I became enamored and, eventually, a life-long fan (more than likely I’ll be re-watching episodes when I’m old enough to shout at clouds). During my time as a “Simpsons” viewer I’ve discovered many relatable life lessons that I plan to share with you. Welcome to “The Simpsons Life Lesson” series (season nine).
A Lie Can’t Always Destroy Respect (Episode 2: “The Principal and the Pauper”)
To celebrate deadpan, uptight Principal Seymour Skinner’s twenty years as acting principal of Springfield Elementary, parents, students and teachers alike joined together to honor the man who apparently cleaned a dirty Ralph Wiggum and, according to the kids choir, has the abilities of Flipper the dolphin. But all was not well and good as the festivities continued. A strange man arrived claiming that the individual everyone knew as Skinner wasn’t Seymour at all. The truth was “Seymour Skinner’s” real name was/is “Armin Tamzarian”. After being forced to fight in the Vietnam War under the real Skinner’s command due to his thieving, judge-hitting nature, Armin learned respect, honor and dignity before witnessing the aftermath of his commander’s apparent death. When Tamzarian attempted to inform Sgt. Skinner’s mother about her son’s demise, she wrongly identified Armin as being the real Skinner. Armin accepted his new position in life and tried to live the sergeant’s dream of being a principal of Springfield Elementary.
This is Springfield’s future
Though Armin’s actions were wrong, he did it for all the right reasons. Unfortunately the people of Springfield couldn’t see past Tamzarian’s lies, reminding him time and time again after the revelation that he wasn’t the person they had gotten to know over the years. Becoming an outcast in his own town, Armin entered the streets that once raised him. But a mix of the real Seymour Skinner being an independent adult and not having the “pushover” nature of Armin, Ms. Skinner lead the Simpson family and Armin’s old girlfriend Edna Krabappel to Tamzarian’s apartment to successfully bring him back to Springfield. Sadly for the real Skinner, he was strapped to a train and sent out of town; never to be seen again.
Just because someone isn’t who they claim to be doesn’t mean they’re anything less of the person you’ve gotten to know (though they could be a compulsive liar who can’t be trusted and will steal your identity if they idolize you and you just happen to disappear).
Singing Drives Robbers Away (Episode 11: “All Singing, All Dancing”)
With his family anticipating his return from the video store for a nice family movie night, Homer reentered his home not with any “girly” films such as “Waiting to Exhale” in his possession, but a Clint Eastwood and Lee Marvin “shoot-’em-up” Western. Sadly for Homer and Bart, “Paint Your Wagon” wasn’t a bloody good time, but a long-winded musical where the lead characters literally painted a wagon. Homer exclamation in regards to how much he hated musicals (both films and stage) had his wife Marge hastily reminding him just how Homer (and eventually his likeminded son) loved to sing their woes and joy.
But not before ridding the house of this curse
It was during this musical session that local criminal “Snake” arrived to hold the family hostage for, seemingly, a robbery. But the family’s singing literally sent Snake scurrying out of the nearby open window. It didn’t take long before Snake returned before leaving again to get some ammo for his shotgun – a necessary item he forgot during his planning for vengeance on this singing family. On Snake’s third attempt at completing his intended task, the man with a song now flooding his mind discovered the family responsible for angering him had finished their own personal musical. Happy to hear this, Snake simply exited the home with no malice or intent of doing the family harm.
If you’re ever in a situation where a criminal is attempting to rob you, start singing until the wannabe criminal runs off. And if they return with the intent of killing you for putting a tune in their head, just tell him or her that the song is over and they’ll leave happily with no concern as to whether or not you’ll call the cops.
Wouldn’t you run if you walked in on this?
There is No “Carny Code” (Episode 12: “Bart Carny”)
In a odd twist of fate, Springfield was given the opportunity to take in the sights and sounds of a traveling carnival that so happened to feature Adolf Hitler’s car. Bart, being a miscreant, yet precocious scamp, took it upon himself to test out the vehicle; only to crash it and destroy several booths. Bart’s actions and his father’s inability to pay for the damages saw the youngest Simpson male be forced to act as a member of the local carnival’s cleanup crew. Bart and Homer – who whined his way into carnival employment alongside his boy – eventually encountered a father & son pair, Cooder & Spud, who gypped Homer out of some money the night before with their crooked game. Though Homer had the chance to run the ring toss for the aforementioned “dirty” pair when they had to go to their AA meeting, his inability to understand when a cop was attempting to get a bribe out of him to keep the game opens saw Chief Wiggum shut the ring toss down and left the Cooder pair homeless.
Though they weren’t living it up to begin with
Homer, after being educated on the “carny code” (carnival folk take care of other carnival folk whenever possible), brought the two real carnies home with him to live until they got back on their feet. Cooder and his son impresses the people responsible for their arrival as much as they disgusted Marge and Lisa … until the carny family gave their hosts some tickets for a glass-bottom boat ride that intrigued Marge so much afterward that she hoped to have a glass-bottom car one day. By the time the Simpsons returned home, the Cooders had changed the locks, boarded up the house and literally taken over as squatters. It would take some deep thinking from Homer and a night in Bart’s tree house to set things right – Homer using a fake contest featuring a hula hoop to regain possession of what was theirs – and understanding that the “carny code” is a joke.
There is no true “carny code” that carnival operators live by. And if said carnies take a liking to your home and offer you tickets to a glass-bottom boat ride or something similar, expect them to take over your home and force you to out-carny a carny if you ever want your house back.
Stupidity is Hereditary (Episode 17: “Lisa the Simpson”)
Resident egghead and brainiac Lisa Simpson is never one to be stumped (or so she thinks). It’s one thing to be outdone by those more intelligent than her; but to have the likes of Milhouse and Nelson Muntz figure out a brainteaser before her shocked the little girl into a false sense of escalating stupidity. After having a talk with Grandpa Simpson, the worried saxophone player found out that not only her brother, but also her father was an A/B student until the infamous “Simpson Gene” started to kick in – numbing the brain’s functions and causing widespread stupidity. Though it seemed destined for Lisa that the rest of her life would be spent lazily swinging in a hammock while being too overweight to drive herself to the library to rent movies, she tried to fight the inevitable by visiting museums and jazz concerts.
Never interrupt Mama’s stories
Learning about this supposed gene and his daughter’s angst, Homer went on journey to find every Simpson in the tri-city area. The idea didn’t pan out as Homer planned as every Simpson man he questioned was an absolute failure, idiot, or both. Upon talking to long lost female Simpsons, Lisa (and in turn the rest of her immediate family) discovered that the defective gene only existed on the Y chromosome; thus making Simpson girls immune to stupidity growing with age like their male counterparts. Now any ladies who are worried about becoming stupid as, say, their fathers, brothers, grandfathers, uncles or long-lost siblings who just so happen to be tied up in an attic no longer need to fret. It’s us men who are the stupid ones (giving us a pass anytime we do something women frown upon because we can’t help ourselves – it’s science).
