October is here and what’s better associated with the tenth month of the year than laughs and embarrassing costumes? Luckily for us, pro-wrestling has offered both of those qualities in spades. So lets celebrate the month of October by looking at ten of wrestling’s silliest outfits.
The future Justin Credible definitely had an uphill battle entering the World Wrestling Federation. If you think a man named “Aldo Montoya ‘The Portuguese Man O’ War” would come across as intimidating, you’d be wrong. And you’d be wrong thanks to his outfit. While the bottom-half of his outfit was pretty much typical wrestling attire, the mask is what made his character look horrible. What was that mask supposed to be made out of? A jockstrap? A diaper? Some other wrestler’s tights? There were, and still are, very few wrestling masks as bad as Montoya’s.
So what do you do when you have a seven-foot tall, Detroit tough guy on your roster with the potential of making him a true force in the company? If you said, “Make him wear a old man’s mask, wizard-style hat, and an emerald robe featuring silver stars,” then you have all the makings of creating horrible WCW-style characters featuring even more horrific outfits. Oz wouldn’t be bad if the man had magical powers or something. But in the end, all looked like was a giant of a man who liked the “Wizard of Oz” or Disney’s “Aladdin” a little too much – definitely not a cool big daddy.
The Ding Dongs
Ever thought about wearing a red, full-body pair of tights with bell designs stitched onto it; made even better by real bells wrapped around your wrists and ankles? If you did, you probably thought it would make for a good laugh, not to be taken seriously. I guess Jim Herd didn’t think the same way. To make matter worse was the fact there were two of these Ding Dongs to ring their bells while waiting for a tag. Someone should’ve rung Herd’s bell for putting two men in those outfits to entertain a crowd that reasonably believed this was one of the stupidest ideas they had seen in wrestling.
Mike Shaw had a way when it came to playing the gamut of grotesque, overweight simpletons. At times, the fatness outweighed the stupidity, but, all in all, whatever character Shaw played was pretty slow both physically and mentally. From Norman the Lunatic to Friar Ferguson, Shaw played a wide range of fat and grotesque simpletons. Some were more fat than simple. Some were more simple than fat.
Then Bastion Booger was born. Rather than being a simpleton who had a heart of gold, Booger was the epitome of dropping the bar low as possible. He ate like a pig, farted more than a frat boy, and wore an outfit unbecoming of a man his size – or any man for that matter. A pair of suspenders that accented his man-boobs held up his stained gray diaper-style tights. No person, fat or not, should have the audacity to wear something like that; let alone be made to.
The early days of Total Nonstop Action wrestling had a disturbing blend of great wrestling and a belief that pushing the envelope without truly breaking barriers and boundaries of mortality would be beneficial in creating a true identity in the wrestling world. One of the best examples of the previous statement was The Johnsons. The Shane Twins (eventually signed by WWE as “The Gymini”) donned full-body, flesh-colored tights so they looked like…. Do I have to say it? Seriously, they looked like Johnsons without the outfits.
It didn’t take long before Dean Peters got on the WWF’s radar thanks to his thrilling athleticism and ability to survive in the ring like he had nine lives. Come to find out, Peters was a cat enthusiast. In an attempt to mix his two passions (felines and wrestling), Peters introduced the world to Battle Kat. No matter how good Kat was in the ring (he did go undefeated during his WWF tenure), the outfit made him look more like a cat’s chew toy instead of an intimidating character all the kids would want to dress as for Halloween.
The Dynamic Dudes
Where do I begin with Shane Douglas and Johnny Ace and their memorable run as a tag team? Yes, it was the tail end of the 1980s and the beginning of the 1990s; loud colors and skateboards were all the rage. But seeing two grown men try so hard to connect with an audience that saw them as imposters of a culture they didn’t understand not only caused the fans to turn on them, but also laugh at a look many of them had known personally. Like many fashions of the 80s in hindsight, there was nothing redeemable about the mullets, neon colors or the inability to ride a skateboard more than fifty feet (if at all) with the help of booing fans swatting at you.
Ron Simmons is a respected, All-American, gridiron great. Ron Simmons is the first ever African-American WCW World champion. And Ron Simmons is a man who entered the biggest wrestling company in the world dressed as a Roman gladiator featuring a blue foam helmet. In the end, the renamed “Faarooq Asad” didn’t look intimidating like he did trumping the 450 lbs. “Rocky Mountain Monster” Vader to become the WCW World champion. The outfit made Simmons look like a goof. And if there’s one thing Ron Simmons is not it’s a goof.
Thanks to the Dungeon of Doom, the first known Yeti was uncovered by being thawed out from a block of ice. Come to find out, the DoD’s version of the legendary myth was nothing more than a giant mummy. If that wasn’t bad enough, the Yeti mummy had a huge, unexplained transformation from a mummy to a ninja. No joke. How does a yeti turn into a ninja? How would you tell someone at a costume party, “Look, I’m a yeti,” when you’re dressed like a mummy or a super giant ninja?
Fred Ottman has gone by many a name and look during his wrestling career. Bubba the Belt Collector, Big Steel Man, Tugboat and Typhoon are just some of the names Ottman is associated with. But no character Ottman played is more infamous than The Shockmaster. Everyone knows the story of Sting introducing The Shockmaster to the WCW audience in 1993, only for Ottman to fall over a wooden board holding the “Flair For the Gold” stage together, losing his helmet before awkwardly standing in front of the viewing world as Ole Anderson did a voice over for him.
No matter if The Shockmaster had or hadn’t fallen flat on his face would the costume not be a complete joke. Ottman sported a long black vest, a pair of jeans, and a “Star Wars” Storm Trooper helmet painted blue and covered in glitter. For anyone to think that outfit would awe should’ve put the outfit on first and looked in the mirror (Dusty Rhodes, I’m looking at you). But at least Ottman didn’t make a liar out of Sting because The Shockmaster did shock the world by wearing one of the worst outfits in wrestling history to top one of wrestling’s most hilarious segments.