(Make sure you read part one) It’s been over twenty years since I can remember the first time I saw Matt Groening’s “crudely drawn” family of five deal with the almost surreal problems that life seemingly presents on a daily basis. From that moment I laid my eyes on “The Simpsons” I became enamored and, eventually, a life-long fan (more than likely I’ll be re-watching episodes when I’m old enough to shout at clouds). During my time as a “Simpsons” viewer I’ve discovered many relatable life lessons that I plan to share with you. Welcome to “The Simpsons Life Lesson” series (season six – part two).
Hope That Someone’s Always Watching (Episode 9: “Homer Badman”)
In a great piece of manipulation, Homer convinced his wife to join him at the Candy Industry Trade Show – leaving the kids to be babysat by feminist grad student Ashley. Homer, who stole the rare gummy Venus de Milo during his trip, took the babysitter home following misadventure (featuring a action movie-like explosion featuring him and Marge leaping to avoid being roasted). As Ashley exited the car, Homer noticed gummy Venus stuck on her backside. Homer, rather than alert his former passenger about this embarrassing situation, reached for the piece of candy. As Ashley looked to see what was going on, Homer drooled and gurgled in anticipation of how the gummi “bear” would taste once it was removed from her derriere and in his possession again. The babysitter screamed and made a hasty exit from the scene.
Ashley quickly gathered friends and the media to tell the world about Homer Simpson’s deprived nature. A series of unfortunate circumstances resulted in Homer’s new image of being a sexual deviant growing stronger; and some “clever” editing by the producers of tabloid news show “Rock Bottom” didn’t help matters. Just when it seemed all was lost, Groundskeeper Willie appeared almost out of nowhere with evidence to prove Homer’s innocence. Come to find out, Willie was hiding in a tree, taping the entire night’s incidents from one particular spot; including Homer thanking Ashley for “delivering” the gummi Venus de Milo before eating said piece of candy.
For all of you scared about an invasion of your privacy – don’t be upset when some innocent action you perform is perverted because there wasn’t a custodian hiding in the bushes filming everything you do to fix your disparaged name and image.
Blame Your Parents For All of Your Problems (Episode 10: “Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy”)
With Homer and Marge’s sex life fading more and more thanks mostly to the stresses of being parents, the married duo found help in the most unlikely of places – a sink at the Springfield retirement home where Homer’s father lived. Homer’s dad, Abe, created a tonic that, according to him, put the spark back in any relationship. And wouldn’t you know it – Abe wasn’t lying as Homer rocked the casbah like never before. The father and son pair looked to make some money off this invention, leading to car rides across the country with each other. Following a trip to the home he was raised in, Homer had a painful reminder that his father never encouraged him to be the best Homer he could be.
The TV didn’t do much better for lil’ Homer
Abe had a reason: Homer was an accident that destroyed his happiness. Distraught over his father’s words and the realization that he too was becoming a disappointing dad, Homer went out of his way to shower his children with love and affection. Unfortunately for Homer, most of his actions made his days of being a lackadaisical parent seem like paradise for his children. Returning to the place where it all started, the Simpson fathers who had grown estranged unknowingly lamented in the place they once called home until they both accidentally set fires on opposite ends of the house. Scurrying to their respective safeties, dad and son Simpson collided with each before apologizing for the mean words exchanged beforehand. Then came the admittance that both individuals were terrible fathers thanks to mostly being terrible people who could do no better in life.
Or do no better by their family home
So if you ever feel inadequate as a mother, father or a child, simply understand that your genetic disposition is made for screwing up – just like your parents.
Pollution Saves (and Every Person Gets it Right Once) (Episode 14: “Bart’s Comet”)
Like many other times in his life, Bart Simpson’s attempt at an epic prank came back to bite him thanks to his own arrogance and pride. After Bart sabotaged Principal Skinner’s weather balloon to create “Buttzilla” (the balloon transforming to feature Skinner’s face and exaggerated posterior), he was punished and forced to help his principal enjoy his amateur astronomy hobby. Having spotted “Buttzilla” and leaving Bart alone with his telescope, Principle Skinner gave the mischievous Simpson a chance to discover a comet (much to Skinner’s dismay).
Sadly for the town, Bart’s discovery was heading toward Springfield at an alarming speed and threatened the very lives of its inhabitants. The plan to blow up this impending rock of destruction with a missile failed and accidentally destroyed the only bridge out of town – leaving Springfieldians no shelter … other than Ned Flanders’ bomb shelter. Almost everyone in Springfield tried to cram themselves into the shelter, eventually voting its owner out for him to experience a fiery death while everyone else lived. Homer, the person who initiated the vote against Ned, eventually let his guilt get the better of him and convinced his fellow cowards to join his neighbor in song before their final minutes alive. To the shock of everyone, Homer’s prediction that Springfield’s thick layer of atmospheric pollution would disintegrate the comet before it touched the ground was incredibly accurate – putting great concern in his family that Homer was actually right for once.
While everyone is worried that the growing problem with pollution, atmospheric and geological changes, and global warming, the fact is one day all of this contamination could mean the difference between society being turned into a pile of charred corpses or a bunch of people fearful when the one person who is wrong all the time gets it right and lives to tell the tale.
Greed Will Get You Shot (or Worse) (Episode 25: “Who Shot Mr. Burns? – Part One”)
In a sheer twist of glorious fate, Springfield Elementary custodian Groundskeeper Willie struck oil while attempting to bury the fourth grade class’ pet gerbil, “Superdude”. With money literally pouring in and the news covering this turn of events gave Springfield Nuclear Power Plant Mr. Burns the belief that only one person in the town should control this newfound oil well: himself. Burns’ plotting caused his second-in-command, Waylon Smithers, to question his boss’ near-super villainous intent. But no matter what anyone said, Mr. Burns needed to own that well and, most importantly, the money that would come from his latest acquisition.
The end result was initially prosperous for Mr. Burns, but the rest of Springfield suffered greatly. Moe’s Tavern was shut down due to the harmful fumes from Burns’ drilling flooding the bar; Springfield Retirement Castle’s foundation was destroyed; Bart witnessed his dog almost crippled. As if that wasn’t enough, Mr. Burns executed his greatest scheme: the construction of a giant, sun-blocking disk that would force Springfield to suckle at the figurative electric teet of this apparent madman. The townspeople vocalized their concern and anger, resulting in Mr. Burns becoming enemy number one before someone (off-screen) shot him during his celebratory session.
So be careful to not let greed overwhelm your senses and make you believe you have absolute power. The end result could and probably will see you getting shot by someone like your best friend, most loyal confidant, or even a baby.
